**Day 165**

When I shop for clothes I, usually, don't try anything on in the store - I just buy it, bring it home, and if it doesn't fit, or I don't like it, I return it.  Well, today I went shopping, and I decided to hit the fitting room - big mistake.  I got a glimpse of my body in a three way mirror, and it was so not good.  Seriously, those mirrors should be illegal!  Banned, I tell ya!  I don't have a full length mirror at home, so I NEVER see my body, and, I think, for now, it's a good thing that I don't!  When I saw my body in that mirror I was reminded how far I still have to go, and, yes, I knew this, of course - I mean, I didn't think that losing 25 pounds had transformed my body, in any major way, but it was still a huge eye opener when I saw my whole body from head to toe!  So, yea, I have a long, long way to go, and, in the mean time, I won't be stripping down to my bra and underwear in front of any three way mirrors!

So, I could have let the three way mirror fiasco put me into another funk, but I didn't.  Actually, it motivated me. I came home, and I did the 30 Day Shred and then I did a 2 mile WATP the workout. I used 2 pound weights for the whole 2 mile workout, and it really kicked my butt, but I felt great when I was done!

**Days 163 & 164**

I couldn't post last night because we couldn't get the internet to connect out here at the cabin - sometimes it's impossible to get a signal, but, luckily, it connected today!  Anyway....

So, I said I wasn't going to give up on this whole weight loss journey thing, but I did....for 3 whole days.  My food choices weren't all that bad, but I didn't exercise Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  I lost all my motivation, and just gave up, but my 10 year old daughter got me going again.  As I was tucking her into bed last night this conversation took place:


Daughter:  "Mama, did you exercise today?"
Me:  "No."
Daughter:  "Did you exercise yesterday?"
Me:  "No, I didn't.  And I didn't exercise on Friday either."
Daughter:  "Aren't you suppose to keep exercising?" 
Me:  "Yes, I am."
Daughter:  "Well, what happened, Mama?  You were doing so good?"

Ouch.  Wow.  Kids don't miss a thing - they notice everything!  My girl noticed when I started to take care of myself, and she noticed when I stopped again.  So, in the end, I told her that I was feeling frustrated and discouraged, and I went into a slump, but that giving up was the wrong thing for Mama to do, and then I promised her I was going to get back to my exercising.  I thanked her for caring enough to ask me about it, and I thanked her for giving me the motivation I need to get started again.  Yes, I'm losing this weight for myself, but I'm, also, doing it for my girls because I want to set a good example for them.

So, I kept my promise!  Today I did the 30 Day Shred, and I ran one mile, and walked another half mile. And when I was done, my daughter said:  "I'm proud of you, Mama.  You did good." ......  if that doesn't keep me going, I don't know what will?!

**Day 162**

So, yesterday was a very bad day for me /w the 4.5 gain, but I'm feeling a little better today.....but not 100%.  I know it's wrong, but sometimes I just miss the carefree way I used to live - eating whatever I wanted to eat and not having to plan every meal ahead of time, not worrying about giving into temptations, not worrying about fitting exercise into my day, not worrying about weigh-ins....you know what I mean?  I know, I know - living that way was not good for me, but, jeez, in some ways it felt alot less stressful than how I'm living now.  I know I'm only feeling this way because I'm frustrated.  Needing to lose 120 pounds sometimes feels like an impossible thing to do, especially when I have a confusing 5 pound gain, but I know at the end of this long journey, when I reach my goal (and I will), all the blood, sweat, and tears (the many, many tears) will be worth it!  I have about 100 more pounds to lose, and I know there will be struggles and I know there will be frustration along the way, but there will, also, be successes and satisfaction, and I need to remember to focus on the good stuff!

**Day 161**

A 4.5 gain.  What. The. Hell? When I saw that number this morning I was very, very upset.  I cried.  I felt confused.  I felt mad.  I felt defeated.  I felt tired.  I thought - I give up.  But that was at 9am this morning, and now it's 10:00pm, and I'm feeling much less....confused, mad, defeated, and tired.  I'm not, exactly, sure what's going on.  I drank tons of water, I exercised every day, I kept my calories below 1500 (except for Thursday - I was just over 1600), so I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing, but I had a gain....a HUGE gain.  I'm disappointed.  I've been in my 220's since April, and I just want to get into the teens!!

So, what's my plan?  Well, my friend just started a high protein meal plan, and she's already had a loss, so I'm going to give the plan a try to see if I can get my numbers moving down.  I will NOT give up!!

Have a great weekend!

**Still Day 160**

I almost forgot.....I want to say thank you to my dad for paying for half my treadmill!!!  I didn't win the bet we had, but he gave me the money anyway.  He wrote in the memo section of the check "just because"!  He told me he wanted to give me the money just because he's proud of me for working so hard, and sticking with it.  So, thank you, Dad, for all your support!!  Thank you for believing in me, thank you for all your comments on my blog, thank you for the motivating words you give me - THANK YOU!  I love you!

**Day 160**

We're leaving for our cabin tomorrow afternoon, and we'll be there for 9 nights and 9 days, so it's going to be a challenge for me to stick to a healthy meal plan and exercise routine.  It shouldn't matter that I'm somewhere different, right?  I mean, after 160 days of, almost always, eating healthy, and exercising I should be able to do it anywhere, but when I'm at our cabin I tend to get lazy.  I like to just relax - sit around reading, float in the lake, chill on the front porch, and, of course, I like to snack alot.  I know I can still do that stuff, but I need to be active, too, so I'm going to do my very best to get my exercise in every day, and I'm going to keep my snacking to a minimum!!  I'm going stock up on healthy snacks - like fruit w/ light cool whip, popcorn, raw veggies w/ hummus, yogurt w/ a little granola...stuff like that.

I'm debating on whether or not to take my scale to the cabin.  I think, it will drive me crazy not having it for 9 days, and I would have to skip one weigh-in, if I leave it home, but it might be nice to be scale free for all those days.  I don't know - what to do, what to do?

Exercise today:  2 miles on the treadmill - 1 mile walk, and 1 mile walk/run, doing interval burst.  Also, I did a 20 min. FIRM dvd workout.  

I'm still battling this headache that I've had for a few days.  I've been drinking tons of water hoping it would help my headache go away, but no luck so far.  I HATE these headaches!!  My 10 year old daughter was so sweet to me yesterday.  I was getting ready to take my girls, and my nephews to a movie, but she knew I had a terrible headache, and she said to me: "Mama, it's really okay if we skip the movie because I'm afraid the loud noise will make your headache worse, so let's just stay home".  She is such a good girl!  I took them anyway and I was fine, but it was nice that she cared enough to give me a choice.  I have great kids!

**Day 159**

I just finished the 30 Day Shred workout - just in time to do my post for today!  I, also, did my 1 mile run tonight - it was so hot, but I got through it.  It took me almost 14:30 to finish, so only a tiny bit longer than Mondays run.  I had a lot of trouble with my breathing on the run tonight, but my body felt good, so that's a plus.  I think, it's suppose to start cooling off the next few days - thank goodness!  This hot weather is a killer!

This is totally off the weight loss topic, but I have to share some news about my oldest daughter!  She auditioned for the musical "Annie", and she landed the part of Miss Hannigan!!  She is so excited, and we are so happy for her!!  She's going to be great!!