I have not been able to accept, or love, myself as a fat person. I look like a fat person on the outside, but, on the inside, I don't feel like a fat person. Well, physically, I feel like a fat person, but my inside self doesn't - does that make sense? It's hard to explain. It's the same with my age - I'm almost 39 years old, but, most days, I don't feel (mentally) a day over 25 years old!
The mental image I have of myself doesn't match the image I see in the mirror. I've been obese for almost 14 years, but there are times I've been in a department store and I'll, unexpectedly, get a glimpse of myself in a mirror, and I'm shocked by what I see. It's not that I ever forget I'm fat, but I forget I'm THAT fat, and that I look that bad! And, again, it's not how I feel on the inside, so it's been really hard to accept.
Lately, I've been trying to learn to like myself as I am because, for now, it's what I am - I'm fat, but I need to remember that I'm more than that. Unfortunately, for a long time I've let being fat be everything about me. There's more to me than just fat, and I'm trying hard to focus on the good qualities I have. I know, to move forward, I have to learn to love and accept myself - fat or thin.