Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I have not been able to accept, or love, myself as a fat person. I look like a fat person on the outside, but, on the inside, I don't feel like a fat person. Well, physically, I feel like a fat person, but my inside self doesn't - does that make sense? It's hard to explain. It's the same with my age - I'm almost 39 years old, but, most days, I don't feel (mentally) a day over 25 years old!

The mental image I have of myself doesn't match the image I see in the mirror. I've been obese for almost 14 years, but there are times I've been in a department store and I'll, unexpectedly, get a glimpse of myself in a mirror, and I'm shocked by what I see. It's not that I ever forget I'm fat, but I forget I'm THAT fat, and that I look that bad! And, again, it's not how I feel on the inside, so it's been really hard to accept.

Lately, I've been trying to learn to like myself as I am because, for now, it's what I am - I'm fat, but I need to remember that I'm more than that. Unfortunately, for a long time I've let being fat be everything about me. There's more to me than just fat, and I'm trying hard to focus on the good qualities I have. I know, to move forward, I have to learn to love and accept myself - fat or thin.


  1. I can relate 100%! I tell my husband all the time that I don't feel like a fat girl. That I see thin girls walking around me and I feel like I'm just like them, but then I see myself in the mirror and realize just how bad it's gotten! But you are so right, we need to accept & love ourselves no matter what size, because we're always the same person inside. {cheesy! but true.}

  2. I'm glad I'm not alone, and that someone understands what I mean! I was worried I wasn't going to get my point out! Thanks for the comment, Kayla Sue - I appreciate your support.

  3. I understand your point completely, Shannon! I know we are not at the same point, but I go through it to! The first time I felt that way was right after I had Madison. I hated meeting new people, because I was this chubby chic - and I was NOT a chubby chic inside! Adding insult to injury I turned into a 'very involved' mom at the same time and the combination made me a completely different person to the world. Not that I wasn't loving being a mommy, but though I knew it was only a part of me - I felt that noone else did and after awhile it became depressing to feel like 'just a chubby baby lovin' mama'.

    That of course was the beginning or years of up and down, and babies - bringing me to today where my last 'baby' is nearly 4 and somehow I ending up as chubby as ever despite having been in the right direction many times! Inside, I feel strong and healthy - then I catch a full body photo of myself, or go to try on clothes and just about cry! My mind and body do NOT match up either, but I'm not doing a very good job accepting myself!