Friday, October 14, 2011

**Day 287**

I really don't like my scale:

A 2 pound gain.  I swear, I almost threw the scale in the toilet, but then I would have had to fish it out (ewww!), so I controlled my anger.   Anyway, sure, I can make plenty of excuses for gaining:

#1- I drank about a cup of water to take aspirin about 45 min. before I weighed in because I woke up with a major headache, so relieving the pain was the first thing on my mind, not my weigh-in.
#2 - I ate a late dinner last night - a grilled chicken salad (550 calories).
#3 - I quit taking my Metformin (PCOS medicine) about a week and a half ago.
#4 - I've been staying up until about 2:30am, and not getting enough sleep.

I hate making excuses, and do they even justify a gain?  I don't know.  I was surprised by the gain, and I'm a little frustrated, BUT I'm not going to let the scale rule me.  I've been doing great with my exercising, eating, and water, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing.  Moving on.....

Saturday is going to be stressful day for me.  I'm going to a masquerade ball that my daughter is singing at, and then after the ball I'm heading to my hometown where I will see some old friends from high school.  I should be looking forward to it, but because I'm obese and I care so much about how I look I'm really just, kind, of dreading it.  For the masquerade ball, I have to wear a dress - ugg!  And seeing people from high school - double ugg!  I was thin in high school, so being seen looking so different is hard.  They all saw me, for the first time, as an obese person one year ago at my 20 year high school reunion.  It was so hard to attend that event, but I did it, and I was proud of myself for going.  And now I'm going back a year later.....still obese.  Yes, I'm about 30 pounds lighter, but still obese.  And I know I'll be judged, again, but I spent way too many years hiding, and not participating in my own life, and I'm not going to do that anymore.  Yes, I'll be a little uncomfortable wearing a dress tomorrow, and, yes, I'll be a little uncomfortable seeing people from high school, but I'm going to try to keep my anxiety in check, and do my best to enjoy myself.  I mean, really, I just need to get over myself!

Have a great weekend!


  1. Have a great time tomorrow at the ball and seeing your high school friends. Whether they judge you or not, who cares, enjoy the moment and make sure you have a wonderful time. Like you said, it's time to come out of the hiding place!

  2. I skipped my 20 year reunion in 2009 because of my weight - and I never thought I would let fat get in the way of me having a good time, but it did. I wasn't even think in high school so it's not like the expectations of other people are what bothered me - it was the fact that I was STILL fat after all of these years that bothered me the most. I guess what I am trying to say is, I get it. I get where you are coming from.
    I think the most important thing to do is remember that you are in the process of getting healthy and doing your body good. It's not an overnight thing - it takes time. And you are doing it!
    Go and have fun at both events - don't let people think that the weight thing is WHO you are - because it isn't. It is only a very small part of you, and it doesn't get to make the decision for you on whether you get to have fun or not. I am working on practicing what I preach too....I'm not just giving you lip service here.
    Oh - and about the 2 pound gain - that will disappear just as quickly as it came. Keep on doing what you are doing but it IS working for you!